the naked truth

A friend posted recently “You can’t heal if you’re pretending not to hurt” and smacked me, like a slap in the face.

Last year my journey felt solid.  I had been training, eating healthy, getting stronger, engaging in personal development workshops and thriving.  Don’t get me wrong...things were far from perfect in my home and I was pushing through sciatica pain that began mid spring.  

And then the bottom fell out, a year ago this week, when our  16 year old took off and it has been the single most difficult year of my life not seeing or speaking to him, for he is a piece of my heart.  

Emotional pain that I wasn’t allowing myself to feel was being stored in my body. Movement became more difficult, yet I kept showing up and pushing myself because I missed the emotional release that came from working out.   I focused on getting good sleep, meditating, connecting with friends, taking baths, oiling up…ya’ know...self care- cuz that’s my thing! 

A friend posted recently “You can’t heal if you’re pretending not to hurt” and smacked me, like a slap in the face. 

Ya see, I had let go of the nutrition work I was doing with my coach… and I found myself eating to fill the void, numb my feelings, and self soothe the child in me that ached to feel loved ...and then all the weight came back on and I physically felt shitty.

Yesterday I caught myself standing naked in front of the mirror and I didn’t cringe and loathe my body.  For the very first time, my heart softened and all I could see was the powerful loving being that has birthed three babies.  I could see the pain in my body, on my face and in the silver strands of wisdom in my hair. I saw flashes of my life with my children, holding them, nurturing them, and then felt the need to hold myself and the tears flooded my eyes as I embraced myself. 

And with that acceptance I realized that I can’t stay in this body as it is for it is too painful. I’ve been here before and I don’t choose to stay.  

It’s time to get back to all out, no BS radical self care.   It’s time to go back to what I know works for me.  It’s time to do the things I know work to raise my frequency, increase my energy, and bring me back to my vibrant self so that I can decrease the inflammation in my body and support my hormones.  

This song speaks to my soul...I think I’ll post these lyrics on my mirror:

“I am resilient

I trust the movement

I negate the chaos

Uplift the negative

I’ll show up at the table, again and again and again

I’ll close my mouth and learn to listen”

(Lyrics by Rising Appalachia) 

I've done it before and I can do it again...the specifics may look very different for each of us, but let’s get at it…’cause it’s always better to do these things together!  

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Categories: aging, mental health, selfcare, stress