Bittersweet Mama

Mother's Day comes with a range of emotions

Social media and my texts became populated with cheerful, flowery Mother’s Day greetings and I played along responding until the tears began to flow. 

And then once the stream began I couldn’t turn it off…

until my love held me tight while I fell apart, he helped me take some calming breaths and I came back to myself.  

And then we ordered chicken and waffles from Waffle Frolic because it filled the space in my heart that was feeling empty today... 
and I was hungry after all the emotions.

Reflecting on my 20 years of Mother’s Days, feeling grief, and allowing myself to go with it, even embrace it. Loving my grief fully is part of loving myself.
My heart is heavy with grief. 

The grief of letting go of what I thought mothering would look like or feel like, all the expectations and ideals, the people, and the societal norms.

I have lost so much of myself in mothering, parts of me I am just now picking up. Finding out who I am in the present moment and repairing the generational wounds that I had not been aware existed.  

I have been healing the pieces of me that feel battered by loving my children so much and myself not enough.  There are pieces that are so shattered that it is unclear if they can be healed.  

I love all those that have mothered me, allowed me to mother them, and the many that have led by sharing their vulnerability and truth.

I am forever changed, been forced to grow and learn in ways and things I never imagined.  Forever grateful to be a mama. A fierce warrior of love and life.  Resilient AF.

If this resonates with you...we have a group you might want to join called resilient AF midlife mamas

Categories: family, grief, parenting, selfcare